Pros and Cons of Being a Writer

So, bucko, you want to be a writer. Well, that might be good, or it might be not so good.

Pros

You can...

• Inflict your opinion on the world
• Create sexy characters and make them do anything you want
• Fictionalize your enemies and have revenge upon them
• Wax poetic in your prose
• Wax prosaic in your poetry
• Make your own rules
• Break your own rules
• Create your own grammar
• Use inventive spelling
• Parodize those you despise
• Glorify those you admire
• Spend hours and hours in a world of your own creation
• Change the world
• Affect public opinion
• Become rich and famous
• Sell your work to a movie producer
• See your work in print in newspapers and magazines
• Say that you are a Writer and impress your friends

• Rejection. Be prepared for lots of rejection.
• No one cares about your opinion
• Your sexy characters become strong and refuse to do what you say. Pretty soon they are telling you what to write. He wants to be a corporate lawyer for Disney and she wants to be a librarian. They want to have a family and move to Worcester...
• Your enemies may read your revenge upon them in your fiction and take revenge upon you in your reality
• People will laugh at your poetic prose
• People will snore at your prosaic poetry
• People may say you are a bad writer if you make your own rules
• People will say you are a worse writer if you break your own rules
• People will think you are ignorant if you use your own grammar and/or inventive spelling
• If you write a parody about someone you despise, you may actually help them by getting them publicity
• If you glorify someone you admire, readers may think it is a parody
• If you spend hours and hours in your own little world, you will miss hours and hours out of your real life
• Your writing might change the world for the worse
• You may affect public opinion in ways you did not intend
• People who are already rich and famous for doing other things are competing with you. Why should anybody make you rich and famous when they can publish somebody who already is?
• About a million screenplays are written every year and about two dozen get picked up
• If your writing is published in a newspaper or magazine, people may express a contrary opinion by sending you hate mail or perhaps a bomb
• When you say that you are a writer, the first question will be, "Where have you been published?"

Writing is a disease. Unless you check it in its early stages, it gets a hold of you like a pit bull and just won't let go. The good news? It's pretty fun.

Happy writing.