How To Handle A Womanizer
70
You know the guy. The charm is always on, the look is always well lubricated and ready to shmooze, the woman-radar always turned up to ten. You can see him, his head turning to check out the new female coming into range, his nostrils flaring for her scent, his ears pricked to track her footsteps. There he is, coming on to your friend, your sister, your daughter. Assuming you don't live in a part of the world where you could shoot him, stone him, or have him beheaded, what do you do?
Here are some ideas.
- Enlist some of your male friends who are unknown to the womanizer's prey to pose as the womanizer's gang. Have them say their loud hellos and ask him to make sure he brings the pretty young thing over later - so they can all have a go.
- Get one or more of your very pregnant friends to loudly confront and accuse him of being the father.
- Have a very attractive female friend lure the womanizer away from his prey, into a place where her husband (who is a Police Officer, Army Ranger, Marine, martial arts instructor, whatever) can observe him go just a little too far.
- Bribe several little kids to run up to him, jump up on his lap, and yell, "Daddy, daddy! Why did you run away?"
- Offer to buy him a drink. Whatever he asks for, give him one part gin, one part scotch, one part rum, and three parts vodka. Spike it with lemon juice and ground habereno pepper. Stay out of spewing range.
- Put crazy glue in his hair gel.
- When he goes to the bathroom, screw the door shut in 95 places with a cordless screw gun. Tell the victim you saw him leave and get her the hell out of there.
- Tell him in front of his prey that an attorney has hired you to get a DNA sample for a paternity suit recently filed against him.
- When away from the victim, explain that his target is underage and the cops are watching. Use this only if the ruse is plausible or the womanizer really, really dumb.
- Intimate to the womanizer during a private moment that his potential prey is the daughter of a mob boss.
- Tell the womanizer that your friend, Paula, used to be Paul, although it may not work because some guys don't care, or worse, are intrigued. Better yet, tell him her real name is Paul, and he's just dressed up for a little fun - but he likes to give much better than he likes to get.
- In the womanizer's presence, ask his prey, pointedly, "So, are you over that little rash yet?" or even better, "Crabs all gone now?"
- Casually thrust a sprig of poison ivy down his pants. Wear Latex gloves - for two reasons.
 | Amazon Price: $2.99 |
 | Amazon Price: $7.25 List Price: $9.95 |
 | Amazon Price: $3.81 List Price: $6.99 |
 | Amazon Price: $9.99 |
vote upvote downshareprintflag
- Useful (2)
- Funny (1)
- Awesome
- Beautiful
- Interesting (1)
CommentsLoading...
this was absolutely the most hillarious hub ever! And honestly I have tried one of those to get someone to leave my sister alone so I loved it even more!!! You are too clever for your own good Tom.....FANTASTIC!!!
ha ha! these should put that creep to rest!
There were any number of times I was a shoulder to cry on for a womanizer victim. Oily bastards. If some of my suggestions are put into practice it will be no more than some of them deserve!
Hehehe...Tom you do enjoy making these lists, don't you! One really has to wonder if they're a figment of your imagination or if you talk from personal experience! :P
Wishful thinking on my part, Feline. That's all. Just wishful thinking.
Good advice, and fun read. I like the first suggestion.
Too many times it's like watching a movie and shouting at the screen, "No! Don't do it!" It would be nice if you could scare off the predator or scare some sense into the prey.
Exactly what I was thinking.
roflmao! Yet again! Agh!
Tom, you are a gentleman and a scholar. Women everywhere would pay handsomely to have you work some of your tricks for them! These are downright diabolical. And no doubt effective!!!
Someone will definitely have to try these and report back.
You mean they are not all field tested in the laboratory of life?
Not LL listed, nope.
So it was YOU, Tom Rubonoff, who orchestrated my demise.
So sorry. A little hydrocortizone should clear that right up.
Ahahahhqhah, nice work!
I have the instant cure for that sort of behaviour...I tell him I won't get mad, I'll get even..it's a lot more fun! Works like a charm
Thanks for answering my hub request Tom! You did an excellent job! From the looks of things, you've created a hit everyone loves!
LOL! These sound like more fun that the shooting or stoning!
"super glue his dork to the floor" (he said with a maniacal gleam in his eyes)
Thanks, Marco!
My pleasure, KCC.
I had hoped to introduce relatively non-violent solutions, K@ri!
That would be a lasting lesson I'm sure, Paper Moon, although if it actually reached the floor, you might be doing the young lady a disservice.
Mmm Tom, where can I get my latex hands on some poison ivy?
It likes to grow on the edge of the wood out a little ways into the meadow. It likes at least partial shade, grows generally low to the ground and shiny leaves arranged in threes.
for more info:
Mind you, with our air pollution levels here, any plant is toxic
Oh, so sorry. Perhaps one can hope the womanizer breathes enough of the air to become impotent.
All good advice Tom. I liked the violent solutions far too much!
We dads always do, don't we /:0)
Are you a womanizer, Tom?
Hey Tom, you missed out putting bromide in his tea! These are all very funny, and quite tempting too. One guy who dated a friend of mine was so pleased with his prowess in the bedroom department that he had a sign on the door saying 'form queue this side'. We were enormously relieved when she finally caught on to exactly what kind of a hound she'd been seeing.
LOL. I like the Bribe the kids to yell Daddy. hahaha. Toms an expert, I wonder what made him write this hub. hehehe (evil laugh)
Me a womanizer. No, I am the ineffectual 'gallant knight' type. Once I was with some people on the beach and this girl was dancing and her boob was falling out. So I told her. My buddies were all so mad at me. :0(
Bromide! That's the word I was looking for. I should have asked you, Amanda, you diabolical person you.
I plead innocense, Sheena. I am like a man who has seen too many train wrecks.
How can a gallant knight be ineffectual?
Sword too short, of course.
Oh Tom, don't sell yourself short. With that eyebrow you can slay dragons!
I have no complaints. I have three kids. It did its job.
ROFL
That'll teach him!!! Wish I had read this years ago....very creative ideas. LOL
Scissors, anyone? I'm really not violent, though. Honest. My husband was a cop for over 30 years...women love a uniform, and I learned to forget about it, as long as he didn't look back. hahaha
Cindy: "Everyone laughs at my mighty sword. Why does everyone laugh at my mighty sword?" - Randy Newman
I nominate Marisue for sainthood! (If a Jew can actually do that?)
BTW, I love your bad artwork. Promise. Very original hub, you even manage to create your own artwork as a candy to your hub.
I have fun, Sheena, thank you very much.
Artwork?
Tom, you have quickly become one of my favortist hubbers. Can you handle the pressure of such fortune and fame?
Exactly.
Pest, you are one of the most popular and most imitated hubbers I know. I am unworthy, but thank you for your generousnesserity.
Thanks for the helpful advice. I'm gonna go buy some latex gloves.
I hear they're on sale at Walgreen's!
The womanizer... what a pathetic creature... its sad that men feel like they can do anything without consequences... i like the mental retalliation.... like leaving numbers to private detectives laying around... just so they think they are being watched... then sit back and watch them squirm
Ah, like a psychological thriller! I like that idea very much...
Hahaha, I am going to advise "Daddy, daddy! Why did you run away?" for some bachelor party :D :D :D
Oh, ReuVera, you are so evil! I LOVE that in a hubber!
I don't handle 'em, I wouldn't touch them with a bargepole (-:
The bargepole is the whole problem I think. ;0)
Thanks for the laugh! I needed that!
That would be my pleasure. Do you have any hydrocortizone?
Dang, where were you all those times I was taken in by slime-meisters?
Sorry if I was late. I'll send you a zip lock back of poison ivy and a pair of latex gloves to keep in your handbag for emergences :0)
Tom, these are funny and brilliant. I enjoy your sense of humor and logic.
Thanks so much, Whikat! I do try.
Yes you are a gentleman, someone said that previously but i don't remember who..... i love it when men try to put themselves in positions of women and understand their feelings..... not easy to do, but you did it here.....
Thank you, Brenda. That is a very big compliment!
OMG this is funny. I love your little tricks. I have a long history with men like this. I'm making notes!
Thanks so much, Disturbia. I hope my suggestions are helpful!
Love this. Its funny but actually useful. Ugh, and I have just the picture in my head of the guy you are talking about. Love your mind, best hubs I've read thus far! =) Cheers.
Thank you, Russiangypsygirl!
Ha ha ha!! Womanizing scum deserve all they get and more! Keep up the good work ladies!!
oh my god tom I freaking love you ! lol right on :)
Thank you and thank you!
I have been trying to put a stop to this in my friends life, thanks for the strategies which you have given to me.
Don't forget the poison ivy!
AEvans Level 7 Commenter 3 years ago
Latex gloves lololol !!! I love the habanero trick too!!! These are unique and funny a must share with my single girlfriends...:D